How to manage your energy on your summer vacation
My life this summer has been a laboratory experiment for boundaries. And it’s not over yet! From co-facilitating Learning as Leadership’s Personal Mastery workshop with 65+ participants, to assisting a class of over 40 students to networking with 1,000 people at the World Domination Summit, life has been full to say the least. Not to mention coaching clients, and navigating life with my husband and Goldie, our 85 lb. dog who likes to sleep in our bed (I know, I know).
This week I’m visiting family — the best boundary challenge yet!
Here are some practices I use to maintain good energy boundaries:
Lesson #1 Keep your energy squeaky clean!
We are all energy. This may sound completely out there, or totally normal depending on who you are, but we are all built with a system of energy in addition to our physical body. Your energy system is susceptible to other people’s energy. When I see myself in this light, it makes sense that just as I keep my body clean, I need to keep my energy system clean.
Examples of this are:
- Ending conversations when they really end, not talking to people in my head after I’ve hung up the phone or sent the email. (Sometimes when I can’t sleep at night I realize I’m still mentally working with someone in my head!)
- Dismissing myself from a conversation if it’s negative, or simply changing the subject if the other person is whining or complaining or gossiping.
- I do an “energy sweep” throughout the day, making sure I’ve called all the pieces of myself back to me and sent all the pieces of others back to them.
- As a general rule I rarely read a newspaper or watch the news and try to avoid violent films and TV. Amazingly, I don’t miss any current events.
- As much as possible, I remove myself from any environment where I feel uncomfortable or feel physical symptoms such as a headache or nausea.
- Avoid eating or drinking anything that impacts your energy. I can no longer consume alcohol like I used to. I’m not sure why, but as my system gets cleaner and clearer, my body is more discerning and won’t tolerate certain choices like it did in the past (sugar, dairy, bread are a few others I’m needing to limit more and more.)
Lesson #2. When you are in a group, be clear what you want.
Navigating family or group needs can be challenging. Competing interests and differing glucose levels can be a source of conflict and energy drain. If everyone is trying to accommodate everyone else, it never works. Being clear on your own needs first, and articulating them, as well as being flexible that they may not get met, helps. This week I’ve gone in a rowboat (not my need but my sister was clear!) eaten chicken wings (my need!) and swam in a fresh cool lake (all of our needs!)
Lesson #3. It’s OK to take some time alone.
Sometimes I just need time for me. I’m currently writing this from the basement of my father’s house while everyone is upstairs making dinner. After a week of being together and having wonderful times, I need some space!
What are your practices for maintaining your healthy energy boundaries?
Wow, Laura! Can’t quite fathom all the activity you have been through just this summer! No wonder you have been able to survive with solid boundaries in place. I love your suggestions and going to become conscious about each one. Boundaries with people, particularly family, can be the most challenging ones.
For me the most powerful boundary I have really come back to, is with work. I have now reclaimed my PLAY! playing with my creative modalities FIRST in the day before venturing into the more left brain world and projects. These are the modalities I am trained in and have worked for years, and yet when I began my business, they all fell away as I studied and trained. Made. Myself. Sick. So now I start my day by playing with my morning pages… lots of drawings in those… and move my body any way she wants (don’t like exercise) sometimes paint… and later in the day take my Wild Criatura ( ME!) out into the canyon to run and play with the other wild criaturas there… frogs, hawks, snakes and bunnies.
I have had more breakthroughs in my work and feel so ALIVE since I have. Medicine! Art Medicine. I now call myself a Play Shamana… just to stay conscious of this practice. Thank you!
Kathleen Prophet recently posted..The Wild Mother – Forest Play
Kathleen, thank you for the reminder of PLAY. I have been feeling the need to be more creative and let myself delve into play more. We have all been working very hard! So glad to have you here! Laura
I had never even heard of personal boundaries until about 10 years ago and since then it’s been a struggle to know where I need a fence and where I don’t. Like you, I work really hard to keep negative people, things, and situations out of my life. It helps. The one area where I struggle is being clear about what I want (such a people pleaser) and dismissing myself from conversations. Even with a lot of effort and honesty I occasionally end up somewhere I don’t belong doing something I don’t want to do.
I hadn’t considered keeping my energy squeaky clean as being part of establishing boundaries but it makes sense. I’ll be looking at ways to clear my karma. Thanks for the tips.
Thanks Denise, and yes removing ourselves is not always “polite” or socially acceptable. Needing to go the bathroom seems to be a socially acceptable excuse! That prevents me from eating and drinking too much instead! And yes the biggest lessons I have learned around energy are maintaining integrity with my own energy and not merging or interfering with others. Laura
Loved this post, Laura! It spoke to me on such a deep level. Such a fantastic reminder of things I’ve done in the past and new ones to try. Thank you!
Many of my practices for maintaining healthy energy boundaries are quite similar to some of the ones you mentioned:
* not reading news, watching TV, etc.
* not having conversations or meetings that will drain my energy
* removing myself from conversations where I feel my energy is waning
* feeding my body in ways that increase my energy (plant-based, no dairy, no gluten, and as simple as possible)
* taking time for myself
* a warm bath with essential oils, dried lavender and salt — very helpful for releasing other people’s energy that I have taken on throughout the day
* when I notice my muscles tensing up, reflecting on what I’m holding on to from an earlier conversation/event/etc. and consciously letting it go
* using my hands to create something — often a great way to balance my energy
Thank you again, Laura, for this beautiful reminder and for sharing the methods you use. It’s something I’ve struggled with more lately as I get so personal with my clients and need more ways to set those energetic boundaries.
Claudia – I love your list and thank you for reminding me of baths! I love them. As I coach over 25 people a month, I have to be very careful about my energy boundaries with them, not to mention family, friends etc.. so that is a powerful practice for me as well to maintain my energy system and not interfere with those of others. Laura
Laura, I love this blog! Thank you for this wonderful reminder about how we’re effected so deeply by those around us, and your advice on how to protect ourselves is so helpful.
I’m highly sensitive to others energy, and actively work on this.
It’s always so strengthening to know that I’m not alone,
Much love,
Holli xo
Thanks for stopping by Holli so nice to see you here on my blog! You are SO not alone being sensitive. This for me was huge, to have that realization and know that it was not because I was weak or high maintenance, but simply needed extra TLC with myself. Being kind to myself and knowing my needs really helps.
Wow, Laura, I soooo needed this today. Established some new boundaries last week (that were long overdue) AND I’m on the interstate on my way to visit my parents. Your suggestions & advice are about to get a work out. Thank you!
Thanks Victoria! So happy to help you on your summer vacation! I know it helped me! xo
Wonderful post, Laura! I can always use a boundary check. I’m one of those highly sensitive individuals. I pick up the energy in a room, the nuances in a conversation, even the “intentions” in an email message. It can make me C-R-A-Z-Y when I’m not paying attention to boundaries. Your suggestions are great. Some of them I follow (NEVER watch the news or unsettling films, they stay with me for days), others I’ll take away. I love the “energy sweep” and ending conversations when they really end. I’ve had quite a few of those! Thank you for gifting us with your words. So glad we had an opportunity to play together in Portland!
Sue Ann Gleason recently posted..Keep it Simple Sweetheart
Yes on the highly sensitive Sue Ann! And there is nothing wrong with that, being aware of it helps tremendously in how to manage your energy!
wonderful post, laura.
as we get more and more light and conscious it is important to be aware about energies, i am right now at huge festival and your post make me smile inside, laura is so right, even walking a spiritual path over 20 years , we and i bend to be reminded how to keep up our energy in a crowd and different opinions . i love your wisdom sister in my heart.
Thank you my dear Durga! A appreciate your insight as well.
Laura, your thought on “calling all the pieces of myself back to me” touched me deeply. As someone whose tendency is to “give myself away” (willingly, and with a spirit of servanthood), I sometimes forget to collect the pieces before I leave and then wonder why I’m feeling so depleted at the end of the day (or visit.) Amazingly helpful idea!
One practice I’ve taken to regularly is checking my motivations. Sometimes I contribute to negative energy when my heart is not in the right place, or if I’m not concrete about my involvement (or how much I’m willing to invest.) Having a clear picture of my “line in the sand” prior to engaging (in whatever it is) allows me to step back graciously when I’ve reached my limit.
Kimby recently posted..Life Beyond The Kitchen
Thanks Kim! I do think it is so powerful to call ourselves back to ourselves, and it is so simple!
Wait! Where was this five weeks ago when I started my vacation with extended family??? Leaving day after tomorrow, will see what I can implement!
xoxoxo
oh i love this, Laura! Energy Sweep and ending conversations without letting them go on in my head–i need to do both of these things now!
i am so sensitive that i pick up everything–i’m like an energy lint brush
I know several people that will love this post. thank you, i am sharing it right now…
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Thanks for the ideas and reminders. This is something that is a priority project for me right now. I am clairsentient, and in any group, but especially family, I soak up everyone’s emotions and intentions–particularly the ones they don’t want or can’t deal with–and it gets all curdled together until I’m not sure what’s mine and not. And, being the axis of a demanding multi-generational household (which may be changing soon), I have submerged my authentic self in some very unhealthy marathon of attempting to be what everyone else needs and approves of. I may need a suit of armor until I figure out this “semi-permeable” boundary thing.
Great Post! This especially hit home with me:
•Ending conversations when they really end, not talking to people in my head after I’ve hung up the phone or sent the email
Wow I love Lesson 1, dot point 1. I am so guilty of this.
A great post, especially approaching this time of year when things get a little hectic! Thanks for the tips. Xx
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